Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Awkward moment #8 - To see or not to see


A case of dry eyes this evening caused my right contact to pop out of my eye. This reminded me of an awkward moment from back in 1999 (or 2000). For those of you who aren't familiar with my awkward moments series, it was a collection of my most memorable and completely unbelievable moments in life. I left off at #7. So I'll just pick up where I left off for now. Because of my OCD issue about organization, I felt compelled to list the first 7 below for easy access to whomever cares to indulge in my life's most uncomfortable moments. I still can't decide which humiliation was my favorite.

Awkward moment #7 - All in a day's quirk

#6 Curse of the red moon

#5 Right hair waiting

#4 Indecent proposal

#3 Nursing school drop out

#2 One hazard of texting and walking

#1 The awkward moments collection


I was way younger, in college, and this was the third day of Composition 1. I sat in the back of the class because this teacher was so frickin' boring, she made my eyeballs retract in the first 30 seconds and the entire class looked catatonic. She had glasses that magnified her eyes and spoke with a monotone Bostonian accent, which is my least favorite accent, btw.

This day, I got a treat that helped combat my sleepiness. A really handsome somebody sat right next to me. If he wasn't a model in real life, he was working a serious photo shoot in my daydream. I dared not look in his direction, although all I wanted to do was turn completely, face him and stare at him like he was my favorite TV show.

Mrs. Boring gave the class a break from herself by allowing us 30 minutes to discuss our homework. To my delight, hot guy asked me if I got #6. And praise the lord, I did. So he scooted his desk closer to mine so we could peer at the book together. All I could think of was, damn, why can't you be mine? As I showed him where I got the answer, I pointed at the text with the tip of my pencil because I was humiliated at my chipped nail polish. But that was nothing compared to the next line of humiliation I didn't see coming.

He made a joke about the teacher. Even though it was the most UN-funny thing I'd ever heard, I laughed like it WAS. As the laughter subsided and I was about to show him the rest of the answer, I felt something like a tug on the right side of my glasses. Hmm. Weird. A second later ... the right lens fell out of my glasses frame and plopped onto the book! It took me a moment to register what just happened. I don't know why, but I looked up at hot guy with my bare eye through the wire frame. And as I did that, the LEFT side lens fell out and clanked onto the desk.

What seemed like an hour was just a few seconds of my glasses frame screws coming loose and ruining my sex appeal. Hot guy turned pink trying to contain his giggles. He said "are you OK?" to which I responded "yea, I think I better go." Dumb! I packed my things, held on to my lenses and dashed out into the hallway looking for the first restroom I could find.

My face was flushed, and I jetted right into the first restroom I found and locked myself in a stall. I didn't want anyone to see me trying to fix my lens-less goggles. I was humiliated enough as it was. I realized the screws were faulty and would not seal, so the situation was hopeless. I heard footsteps in the restroom, so I decided to flush the toilet before walking out of the stall to make it look like a normal situation. My eyesight is horrendously blurry but I walked out acting like I was just chillin.

I proceeded to wash my hands as part of the "everything is normal" act when I noticed the the silhouette of the other party in the restroom was a DUDE. Oops. For the first time ever, I was glad I couldn't see, because I'm sure his expression was utter disgust.

I speed walked out the door and down the hallway. To make matters worse, I had to hold one of the lenses up in front of my eye in order to find my way out. I tried to pretend like I was the only one in the entire school. Mind over matter. I can just imagine what I looked like holding a loose lens up to my eye as I raced the hell out of there like a maniac.

I was relieved to see the parking lot because at this point I didn't give a rat's ass (I hate that expression) what people thought of me. I dove into my car, hyperventilated for a few minutes, then drove home with one hand on the steering wheel and the other holding up a lens to my eye so I could see the roadway.

And no. I didn't crash. Didn't drop the class ... well, till a few weeks later, that is. But it was for a totally unrelated reason.

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