Wednesday, June 30, 2010

Awkward moment #4 - Indecent proposal

This one's another medical field incident. From age 17 to 27, I was a medical assistant. Nursing school didn't quite work out, but I was still in the game. The companies I worked for usually put me up to do "nursey" type duties for medical assistant type pay.

One of my favorite things to do as a medical assistant was give injections. I felt so empowered walking into a room, seeing the horrified face of the one who was to be my human dart board. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but I was good at it. The dreaded looks usually turned into "hey, that wasn't so bad."

One evening, the doc ordered a penicillin injection for a middle-aged man who was suffering from a raging case of bronchitis. According to his medical chart, he also had herpes. That tidbit becomes significant a bit later.

I prepared the syringes, two because of the large dose that was ordered, and walked into the room. I was the assistant who roomed him so he said "hello again!" I explained what was about to happen and that I need to see his "hips." I also explained that I needed him to pull his pants down to just below the hips, very gently karate chopping the area to show him the approximate injection site.

I turned my back on him to get some bandaids ready, and when I swung back around, his pants were dropped to the floor and his backside was to me ... like a dart board at the pool hall.

OK ... So I administered the first injection, which took a few seconds to push since penicillin is so thick. And with these particular shots, we were trained to massage the injection site for about a minute to prevent it from causing a generalized knot under the skin, which could be painful later on. During the process, he decided to start a convo ...

"Do you enjoy this kinda work? Has anyone ever told you that you're like REALLY attractive? How'd you get into this business, anyway?" he rambled.

"Umm, I like helping people ..." I responded.

As I heard his hit-on-me questions and administered the shots and ASS, I mean, hip massages, the awkwardness became overwhelming. Everything felt so ASSinine. I ASSumed he was nervous. I regretted being ASSigned to this room. Why did he ASSk me those questions. I tried to ASSimilate what was happening to ASScertain his objective. I began to feel ASSphyxiated.

As I wrapped up the procedure and explained what his injection site aftermath would be like, he swayed off the topic again.

"So, do you like Taco Bell?"


"Uhh, yea I indulge there occasionally, why?"

"Oh, 'cause I'm a manager and I'd love it if you came by one day. I can hook you up. Here's my card. Gimme a buzz sometime, k."

Dude! I just saw your ASS. Do you realize I just saw your ASS? In a clinic?? Not to mention, I know you have an STD because I'm HOLDING your medical chart.

So I politely accepted the biz card and bid him farewell and speedy recovery ... mainly so he'd have no reason to be BACK HERE for any further medical ASSistance.

Took me a long time to crave Taco Bell again. And NO. I never went.

Awkward moment #4 on the next posting! "Right Hair waiting"

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